Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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