it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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