Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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