Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
