I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
