I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
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I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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