I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
