yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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