Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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