My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
