Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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