I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
