hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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