Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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