Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
