My first STD was from a foam party
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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