a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
