remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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