im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't think brook has ever known best
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
