I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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