I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
