He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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