I love black thongs
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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