I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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