you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This is my gift to your gina
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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