glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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