on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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