I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
