The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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