I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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