i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
