You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
