also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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