if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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