Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
