Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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