You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
