Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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