new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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