I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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