I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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