i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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