that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh god it's open bar.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
