i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
