you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
