there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
