Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
