WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My life is pants optional.
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