you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize