I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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