does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize