so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
