Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
did you get engaged???
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
