I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
