So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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