he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
