id be glad to
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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