I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
