I have demons in me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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