The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
