Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
