you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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