i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
