i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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