i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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