i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
