I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
