I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
