Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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