I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
