Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
