My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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