i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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