Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
