You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
