You made me cry and you don't even care
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
