i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
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In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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