just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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