what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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